“NARCISSISTIC EX AND THE NEW SUPPLY” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTHOe… –~– In our last video we looked at parenting styles and how they related to parental alienation. This video is going to delve deeper into some specific narcissistic parenting traits and how they link to parental alienation
As we go through, the topics are revealing more and more how dangerous parental alienation really is and it may trigger some memories for you. Please take care when watching these videos.
An enmeshed family allows individual members little to no autonomy or personal boundaries. The roles among family members can be very rigid. One person might be “the scapegoat,” another person might be “the hero” and so on. It often keeps dysfunctional families together in a trauma bond, because they are too afraid to leave and reveal the horrible secrets perhaps out of guilt or shame. The hierarchy within the family (can be one parent or even grandparent) sets the “rules” for the family and “must not be disobeyed”. Therefore when someone leaves the enmeshed family they are no longer part of the “system” and must be removed completely. They are the enemy now. Children have been manipulated from birth to accept this system (rather like a cult) and so when a parent leaves, they maintain the party line and will automatically side with the alienating parent.
Narcissists often infantilize their children as it serves numerous purposes for them. Firstly they can much more easily control an infant that a growing, independent child so they limit opportunities for them to grow up and keep them safe – think “ not cutting the apron strings” but to the extreme. They will disapprove of any independent decisions they make, conditioning the child to always ask them for advice. They interfere in every aspect of the child’s life, even friendships. They will excessively criticize their child in order to destroy their confidence so that the narcissist parent can “rescue” them and make them feel like they are the only ones who will ever love them.
Secondly, the narcissist sees their children as extensions of themselves but natural development means the child will begin to see themselves as an independent being and want to express themselves. Narcissists cannot cope with this and will struggle with teenage children who are wanting to exert their own independence, make their own choices and are more influenced by peer groups that parents (Erikson’s stage development theory). In terms of parental alienation, the alienating parent will start off with disapproval of the relationship with the alienated parent and then start to ask a lot of questions and interfere. They punish decision the child makes around the parent and even mentioning their name. Eventually the child, realising that it is easier to simply go along with the alienating parent, will reject the other parent.
This has since been renamed as Fabricated Illness Syndrome and it is a psychological condition whereby the sufferer will invent illness (either in themselves or others) in order to gain attention and play the victim. This fit’s right in with the narcissists mindset and is something I noticed in my own personal experience. It serves two purposes:
Everyone sees them as the victim
Everyone sees them as the hero
If a child is ill, the narcissist will exaggerate and tell everyone. Munchausen’s by proxy can damage the self esteem of the child who ends up seeing themselves as nothing more than a label. It can even be fatal as narcissists will go so far as to poison their children to elicit the symptoms of illness. In terms of parental alienation, they will fabricate allegations of abuse both towards themselves and their children.